No Matter the Outcome

there is a moment
when I am gone,
the bones of my hands flying faster
than the surety of the outcome,
that you are relieved
by my absence,
the devastation of my presence
a bubble of blissful air
that has popped,
when you, for a second,
breathe deeply in the vacuum-
before crushing compression
of your heart muscle,
starved of the oxygen
you hate to want
and resent to need,
compels you to call silently
please come back, and
bring your hands,
no matter the outcome,
no matter,
I must have the key...