Episode III- Revenge of the Ditz

Where on Earth have I been, you ask? You are asking that, right? It's okay if you aren't, because I have been thinking of you all anyway. I wish you could all tell me what you have been up to.

The sunglasses adventure continues! The tally is one pair of Coach temporarily broken, one pair of Kate Landry looking permanently misplaced, and one pair of Versace which walked off. Leaving me with one pair of Armani Emporium that are way too large on my now skinnier face, and a pair of Coach which I adore, but am now sort of afraid to wear. Those were a birthday gift from Reid's dad three years ago. My record isn't good lately. Before the last few weeks, I hadn't lost a pair of sunglasses in at least five years!  So I went to look for new ones. Reid helped me pick. The combined dollar total of the missing and out of commission sunglasses was $570. The combined total of the two new pair was $32.

 Pictures, you say? Well okay, but only a few small ones. This isn't a fashion show. ;-)
These are Jones New York. Orig. retail $42, sale $12.

These are Nine West. Orig. retail $49, sale $19.99.

Reid has pretty good taste. He was a definite no on a great many pair I liked. Handy to have him around!

On that note, I miss you Ali. You were a great connoisseur of sunglasses.
 So, what is this all about? I'm thinking about that.

At first I thought it was a sign that I needed to give up my last attachment to luxury goods. I am known for my incredibly cheap, bargain basement shopping habits. But I buy quality items at ridiculous clearance prices because, for example, I am willing to repair missing buttons, messed up zippers, etc. commonly found on clearance racks. Plus I have unusual taste, and see potential in items most everyone else rejected. Tricks of the costumer! But expensive sunglasses were really my vice. I have never smoked, rarely drink... if at all, hate gambling, don't overeat, watch my environmental impact...but wow a $300 dollar pair of sunglasses could really turn me on. In some defense, I wear contact lenses with a fairly strong prescription, have light eyes, and am so bothered by glare that I wear sunglasses even at twilight. Still, that is just a stinking lot of money for sunglasses. So, I thought, this is a lesson in reality and humility. Let these things go.

What is it that wisdom asks? Do you own your possessions, or do they own you? Exactly. Let them go if they walk off, or get lost. But...I whine...I hate the feel of plastic on my skin. I won't even drink out of a plastic cup. Expensive sunglasses are made of resin. Plus they have optical quality lenses. Hey, I forgot to tell you...I was an optician at Pearle Vision Center for a year, then worked for Corona Eye Optique and Southwestern Eyecare Medical Center. I used to make eyeglasses, fit contacts, and give visual field exams for spotting macular degeneration. I even did a TV commercial for Corona Eye Optique that played for a year in Southern Arizona. Wow, the memories come flooding back, and sorry this is so stream of remembrance. Eighteen years ago! But that is where I met the Gucci rep who told me all about how expensive handmade Italian frames are made. He gave me my first pair of Gucci frames. they were pale pink and I made the lenses myself in the lab! I had totally forgotten. I think I come by my luxury preference fair and square. I feel somewhat better about this strange indulgence.

I decided, after much thought, however, that the message was really not about giving up the possessions, but the message was to take off the shades from my eyes and be sure I am seeing all things clearly.  Life is so imperfect. That is what makes it surprising and delightful. I think I like life so much, I tend to see things and people a little better than they are. That's okay, because that is who I am. But here's the thing- I don't need these shades to protect me. I have the power to choose when I want to wear them. After all, who doesn't deserve to be viewed through a more forgiving lens?

Just this second on TV, an ad for transitions eyeglass lenses came on. It said they adapt to the changing light so they can follow you all day. That's it. The confirmational omen, you might say. I will adapt to the changing light, whatever it is. I will see clearly, but choose to see gently. It was a good lesson...and I like my new cheap glasses pretty well.

Drum Corps International

This Saturday, July 31st was the DCI Southeastern Championship at the Georgia Dome.  It was an all day event, and well worth the time and investment. Most entertainment I've gotten on the dollar in a while, and of course, the kids from the FCHS Flash of Crimson Band are so hilarious, interesting, and full of life to say the least.


 This wasn't a competition for them, they are just starting to learn their show drill tomorrow, but how inspiring for all the groups of high school musicians that we saw at the Ga. Dome to be able to see these professional class shows right before starting their own fall marching seasons. I saw my first DCI show about fifteen years ago, and the skill level has only grown since then.

These kids are mostly college students, some just out of high school, some even still in high school, but the average age is 19.5. I read in the program that about a third are women. Several of the Corps are all male by long tradition. These incredibly talented "kids" perform 115 shows in the course of summer 2010.
Can you believe that? Atlanta was their 90th show date. They travel across the entire U.S., sleeping on school floors, practicing hours a day, unpaid, in fact, it costs around two thousand dollars to participate. Most raise the money or work for it all year.

Why do they do this? Because they are the most dedicated musicians anywhere. The experience is unmatched, both in musicianship gained and personal memories. The program said roughly 44% are new each year. It is grueling and expensive, so one can see why many who might like to perform each summer just can't commit the time or raise the funds.

It is pretty shocking what is being done to music education programs in the United States. I could blizzard you with facts and figures that prove, not imply, prove, that music education programs produce higher test scores across the board in all subjects, but especially in math. These kids are far less likely to get into trouble, to skip school, etc etc. Teachers know that band students are usually the best students, the most well-rounded and "delightful" that they have.

Seriously, you gotta love these kids.
These to the left are TJ and Connor. TJ plays snare drum, Connor plays drumset. I just love these guys.

Meanwhile, back at the rant, I didn't believe they could make the American education system much worse overall, but every year the government keeps managing. I heard they were going to repeal the mind-raping debacle that is No Child Left Behind. I pray that is true. I taught high school one year, 17 years ago. Yuma High School, Yuma, Arizona.

My mom taught 27 years at FCHS and other schools, my Dad over 20 years at the Citadel and other various colleges, my sister, Brynda, four years at South Forsyth Jr.High, and my sister Leigha, I think four years at Life Chiropractic college. Interestingly, we were all in the band one way or another. Most Americans just don't care how damn dumb we as a nation are becoming. They just don't, and I don't think you could convince me otherwise. If you tried, I'd wonder what segment of the population you fall into. How we can keep cutting art and music programs is beyond me. Why even science teachers can't get enough supplies...it makes me cringe. But no one is going without a football helmet. I'll just save my breath. I'm just so thrilled, so proud that there are still programs like DCI, and a lot of great college band and orchestra programs, too, still left out there. My boys attended University of Arkansas Summer Music Camp a combined six years I think. It was a real gift to be able to send them there.

Please support musical education whenever and wherever you can. Look at the above picture of the Blue Devils. Such imagination and artistry. It's everything still good about our country. Check this one out:

At the end, before awards, all the Drum Corps (which is percussion, brass, and color guard) stand together and play one song together. (oh, all the tickets are sold on one side of the field.) It was Glory, Glory Hallelujah this time. I wish you could have heard it.

Maybe sometime you will. But I can guarantee you these kids will be the ones we want taking care of us and running our country someday.

Listen to every song...One at a time

I'm making a pot of Stash Hazelnut Chocolate Decaf tea. I'm reading blogs that I follow. I hope once my classes start back I Will still be able to keep up with the blogs I like. I think I will make a chart of a few for each day, and spend time each day reading the last weeks posts for just those few. Most don't post every day, so I figure I can follow four a day, so maybe 25 should be my maximum. We shall see how it goes. The coffee maker is drippy bubbling. I use a dedicated coffee maker to make tea. Make actual coffee just once, and I will taste it forever.

So I was reading the blog In Search of Whales, which is zombiehaven,blogspot.com. (no zombies, though. It is inspirational) I enjoyed the post titled Integrigratuitous. Which is ear-catching isn't it? Oh, I wish you could smell this tea. Zombie's post got me thinking a lot, because I have been married twice. I don't think I broke my oaths to either husband. Far from perfect was I. In some ways, though, I am perfectly me, which I kind of mean like...you're actually getting me as advertised. I guess I do feel like they both broke their oaths to me, but let me say I am so far down the road of forgiveness that I am only speaking philosophically here. And to add honestly, I don't necessarily even think oath breaking is or should be enough to end a marriage. In the midst of all the good, great, memorable things in my relationships- all toss-saladed up with the dismal and horrible and heartbreaking, I think what threw the plates to the floor and ended the party was lies. Both times. I can be tempestuous, sometimes demanding, and sometimes mercurially moody. My kids say when I lie (like to their schools if I want to take them to lunch or something) that I tell the most ridiculously convoluted lies (I think this means I am not a very good liar. Good liars keep it simple. I am, however, a good actress.)

I don't know what it was that made them lie to me, repeatedly.I don't know why they couldn't just stop doing what they were lying about or get some freaking therapy and put it to use. It is an odd experience to have someone place these things before you on their list. These things must have happened for a reason, though. I would not be where I am now, with Reid on this killer Drumline and me starting school again, in my own little weirdly laid out rental house, much like an upside-down cake. Without leaving Jeff, I wouldn't have had Reid. Life without both Guy and Reid...wow. That's just not right.And what about Reid's dad's (Jason) influence on Guy's life? And the addition of Dylan and Will, Guy's step-brothers to his and Reid's lives? These are good things. Tonight, one of Reid's best friends started his own blog (good writing, kiddo! yay!) in which he talks so kindly and with praise for the influence of Reid and myself now in his life. Surely none of this follows the rules of marriage as we have always deemed proper and best. I'm just exploring thoughts here, not saying I don't believe in monogamy and marriage.

Someone commented on Zombie's blog that they will never break their oath to his wife of 7 years. I so support that way of thinking; it is admirable. But I have to wonder...things people think at 7 years of marriage- things that happen that you would never expect or anticipate. In the end it may not be "you" at all, and the marriage might still end.


Life is like a good album. You listen to every song...one at a time.

This song was playing on Looking for Whales blog when I was there and I thought, oh, I forgot that song, I like that. So I youtubed it to see if anyone had done a good video. Lord knows Google (don't they own youtube now) has ruined Youtube for the video maker. I thought this one fit well with this blog.


And I close with a picture taken at Ground Zero of my son Guy, about age 16 then.

Moment of silence...and hugs to all.

Looking for the God Particle, In France, and in Me

Maybe the moon is having its way with me again.
Last night I said let's see what the full moon brings. All day, I was thinking, well, doesn't seem like much. Duh...the Moon rises at night. (roughly, I know, don't argue)

So the evening got more impactful and deep as it wore on. I had important and serious conversation. It made me wonder what the effects of the Aquarius Moon are supposed to be. I'm not up on my Moon meanings. Here is a cut and paste of the most succinct thing I found:
This Full Moon in Aquarius will occur at 9:36pm EST, July 25
Now is a time when, in the clear light of the Full Moon, you are able to distinguish what may be holding you back and what you need to break free of before you can move forward.

This Full Moon in humanitarian Aquarius is a time to tie up loose ends and see just how you can make a difference in the bigger worldly picture. Other Aquarius Full Moon themes include a breaking free of the status quo, visionary ideas, worldly knowledge, and unexpected breakthroughs.

My more traditional readers will likely be saying, "What is this claptrap?" That's okay. And I'm planning to talk of particle physics later, so hang in there. For me, who had no idea of what the Aquarius Moon was supposed to deliver, I find that it has been "all it's cracked up to be." Unexpected breakthroughs...yes. Needing to break free of things so I can move forward...yes.

I feel, joy. I feel, really happy for the first time in a few weeks. Certainly, yes, my brain is all better from its little mishap. That helps. But this is different. I feel emotionally satisfied. I'm breaking free of the status quo that was my own emotional bomb suit to protect me in the middle of a lifetime landmine field laid by myself and many others. I'm not declaring victory prematurely, but I'm satisfied with my progress. I had conversations that needed to be had. I reversed decisions and made new ones. I was true to myself this time. I didn't overreact to anything. Not because I was being "non-resistant", but because I felt no urge to resist anything anyway. If this is what it feels like to be grown up, I hope I can hang on to it. New goal till the next full moon? Apologize more, take offense less.

photo: F. Bragan

Tomorrow at The International Conference on High Energy Physics (ICHEP), in Paris, a report will be given on recent findings and news from the LHC, the Large Hadron Collider. They are making exciting progress toward verifying their creation of  the "top quark" which will pave the way on their continuing search for the Higgs boson particle. I'm so glad to hear this. Remember when people honestly were crying out in fear that the LHC would rip a hole in the space-time continuum or something and we'd all be sucked off the planet? I'm also really happy that this competition/cooperation may breathe new life into Fermilab in Batavia, Illinois. It had looked like the LHC would be the slow elegant fade into retirement for Fermilab's Tevatron Accelerator.

I have a soft spot for Fermilab. I used to live in Aurora, Il., and work in Batavia. It was just invigorating living and working right there, so close to such a groundbreaking "hall of science." I'm glad they get the chance to keep looking, and maybe be the first to find the Higgs bosun particle. Apparently, the LHC is still several years from detecting the particle, and Fermilab has been given until 2014 to keep looking.

On the huge, international, mindblowing scientific scale, huge strides are being taken. Massive leaps, even.
On the small, domestic, personal scale, huge strides are being taken (massive leaps even).
So this is Moon in Aquarius? COOL.