Walking On A Wave She Came

Was talking about my blog tonight and said how I pay attention each day for a recurring theme, or just one thing that jumps out as really memorable, and then I know what to write about. Guy has been gone off traveling most of the summer, and Reid is exhausted from Drumline, so not too many philosophical conversations with them to spark me lately. Today I washed my hair. That's it, post finished...
Giggle, not really. I noticed my hair is getting really long again. Which made me think about all the years my hair was extremely long. "The Mermaid Years." Out of the shower, I heard on the TV about some show where the guy searches for things like Yetis and stuff. He was saying, "If there's a mermaid in there, I'll find it..." Walked upstairs to file papers and look for Guy's AP Psych score report (lost), put on CD of ELO's greatest hits. Three of which are quintessential "me" songs. "Can't Get it Out of My Head" came on.....the Ocean's daughter.



Which reminded me of a poem I wrote in college in modern poetry class that had a good start but fizzled. My professor said keep the parts that are good, just snippets and stanzas, sometimes you will use them later or incorporate them, or see how to improve them, but now I think maybe this one was better just that one stanza:

Charleston sings her songs to the Sea,
Keeping him bound, though he's imminently free,
Circe, Oh Circe, she must be your daughter.
Take me back home, then, I die out of water.               

I wrote that about 1988. I still miss Charleston. They say when you grow up on the tidal plain, you never forget the rhythm of the tide going in and out literally underneath you. Charleston floats on the tide between the Ashley and Cooper Rivers. It's a very complex ecosystem.

Which made me think of when, during the mermaid years that I delivered singing telegrams and worked Cons (gaming or fan conventions) as a mermaid, I attended my friend Sherry's party in my mermaid costume. I'd been looking for this picture for her since the same topic came up a few months back on Facebook. Sherry is just about my oldest and dearest friend, and a wonderful person. Yes, I still have the tail and shells in a box...

And I started thinking what it all meant, all this mermadia today. Just this maybe...

I read recently that water covers about 73% of the Earth, almost exactly the same percentage as the human body is water. So, get in the water whenever you can. Take your shoes off and stick your feet in. Go swimming if you're invited, and don't care how perfect you look in a swimsuit. Spray someone unexpectedly with a garden hose. Take a shower with your sweetheart. Run through sprinklers, walk on the beach, and toss pebbles in puddles after a rainstorm. These things are good for us. Water is life.

This poem is recent. Posted on Fb Feb 10, 2010.

I Was 
I was a Mermaid.
Sad silence gathers around me in absent waves,
the frequency lowering like
Blue Whale song.

Dischord thins me, lashes me, rocks upon me, shells
no inner ear hears.

Is it my remains you seek,
or the Song I sang to you?
My brittle tail draped heavenly masterpiece green,
How can I serve in this condition?
What would you have of me...

Bring the wine, I am dry and would offer you
a siren song yet.
Plastered in the rain from under the shadow of
an arching manta ray.

The others have died.
I am alone, the last, all that survives of what you knew
then.
I swim here... my hair of salt and seaweed flowers
behind me.
Remember.

I was a Mermaid.
__________________

The sentiment kinda went with my slightly melancholy day. Maybe I'll go to Charleston...

Listen to every song...One at a time

I'm making a pot of Stash Hazelnut Chocolate Decaf tea. I'm reading blogs that I follow. I hope once my classes start back I Will still be able to keep up with the blogs I like. I think I will make a chart of a few for each day, and spend time each day reading the last weeks posts for just those few. Most don't post every day, so I figure I can follow four a day, so maybe 25 should be my maximum. We shall see how it goes. The coffee maker is drippy bubbling. I use a dedicated coffee maker to make tea. Make actual coffee just once, and I will taste it forever.

So I was reading the blog In Search of Whales, which is zombiehaven,blogspot.com. (no zombies, though. It is inspirational) I enjoyed the post titled Integrigratuitous. Which is ear-catching isn't it? Oh, I wish you could smell this tea. Zombie's post got me thinking a lot, because I have been married twice. I don't think I broke my oaths to either husband. Far from perfect was I. In some ways, though, I am perfectly me, which I kind of mean like...you're actually getting me as advertised. I guess I do feel like they both broke their oaths to me, but let me say I am so far down the road of forgiveness that I am only speaking philosophically here. And to add honestly, I don't necessarily even think oath breaking is or should be enough to end a marriage. In the midst of all the good, great, memorable things in my relationships- all toss-saladed up with the dismal and horrible and heartbreaking, I think what threw the plates to the floor and ended the party was lies. Both times. I can be tempestuous, sometimes demanding, and sometimes mercurially moody. My kids say when I lie (like to their schools if I want to take them to lunch or something) that I tell the most ridiculously convoluted lies (I think this means I am not a very good liar. Good liars keep it simple. I am, however, a good actress.)

I don't know what it was that made them lie to me, repeatedly.I don't know why they couldn't just stop doing what they were lying about or get some freaking therapy and put it to use. It is an odd experience to have someone place these things before you on their list. These things must have happened for a reason, though. I would not be where I am now, with Reid on this killer Drumline and me starting school again, in my own little weirdly laid out rental house, much like an upside-down cake. Without leaving Jeff, I wouldn't have had Reid. Life without both Guy and Reid...wow. That's just not right.And what about Reid's dad's (Jason) influence on Guy's life? And the addition of Dylan and Will, Guy's step-brothers to his and Reid's lives? These are good things. Tonight, one of Reid's best friends started his own blog (good writing, kiddo! yay!) in which he talks so kindly and with praise for the influence of Reid and myself now in his life. Surely none of this follows the rules of marriage as we have always deemed proper and best. I'm just exploring thoughts here, not saying I don't believe in monogamy and marriage.

Someone commented on Zombie's blog that they will never break their oath to his wife of 7 years. I so support that way of thinking; it is admirable. But I have to wonder...things people think at 7 years of marriage- things that happen that you would never expect or anticipate. In the end it may not be "you" at all, and the marriage might still end.


Life is like a good album. You listen to every song...one at a time.

This song was playing on Looking for Whales blog when I was there and I thought, oh, I forgot that song, I like that. So I youtubed it to see if anyone had done a good video. Lord knows Google (don't they own youtube now) has ruined Youtube for the video maker. I thought this one fit well with this blog.


And I close with a picture taken at Ground Zero of my son Guy, about age 16 then.

Moment of silence...and hugs to all.

Feeling Blessed and Having Fun

Do you ever feel like you have mental housecleaning to do? Little ticky things that need to be done on the brain to mouth, or maybe brain to hand level. Like typing stuff. Mental sticky notes of ideas that need fleshing out, thank yous to voice, possible blog posts that don't seem quite enough for a whole topic.

Here's one. If I type it and share it then I don't have to keep thinking if it will develop into a line of thought..."You can't get a pearl from a clam." This is supposed to be a variation of you can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear (though believe me, if anyone could, I could- I'm a fabric genius.) But I was thinking about what we most often call pearls in the mental way...pearls of wisdom. Also, what we think of as a clam. Someone who won't talk or communicate. So, I give that phrase a different meaning...you can't get pearls of wisdom from someone who won't communicate. Which couldn't be any truer, eh? Whew! now I don't have to carry that around in there anymore.

Second, I wanted to say Hi! to all my followers on BlogFrog and Networked Blogs, and the ones who've chosen to follow privately. I can't see you, but I'm happy you're there. So, Hi!

Next, OMG, many of you do not know how crazy I am for Hello Kitty. Just the Kitty, not the whole shebang. I adore the fact that she has no mouth. The way they can convey her expression solely through body language, head tilt, and accessorization, is just a win. There, now you know. I have nothing to hide.

I'm pretty sure her 50th birthday is this year, so before you consign her to the toy bin for teens, remember- my generation had her first.


Look, it's me and Hello Kitty. I say Yes!

Yeah, so I stole the artwork off the Hello Kitty Online site. Which is super cute. And I had never seen before. Wow.

Anyway, moving along...

I'm so impressed with the Flash of Crimson Marching Band kids. It has been ungodly hot with a heat index of 105 some days. They had pre-camp last week and Full Band Camp this week. They are out there learning their show in the blazing sun. I'm either in the shade with the first aid bag and cool cloths, or prepping food in the kitchen, but I haven't heard one kid complain about the heat or how hard they are working. They've even thanked us moms for what we are doing. These are some awesome kids.

I'm glad people come to visit me at my house. That's the only time I sweep. I keep my place neat and my kitchen clean, and dishes out of all the rooms, laundry folded and put up, etc. But I almost never sweep. I have some kind of broom phobia or something. Maybe all those silly mop commercials. So, my wood floors are likely a resource for stray leaf bits, dropped cheerios, and the odd pretzel M&M. Oh! maybe because I used to have a dog. She never left a food bit, no matter how small. Oh this is so sad, and devolving. Hahaha

Skye, Frank, Reid, Ike, Me, Guy, at Mad Italian from April 2010. Di must have been taking the picture.

Will, Reid, Dylan, Guy, Cheyenne

Me and Frank, bowling at Stars and strikes.

Dylan and Will are Guy's step-brothers on his Dad's side. Their mom, Michelle is really awesome. She is having some major foot complications after a melanoma surgery, so I'm praying for her to get better soon. I like her a whole lot. She makes my ex a better person. Smile.

Okay, last item, and such a good one, too.

Andrew "Drew" Green, a local artist, comic author, and really talented guy, who has a cool blog where he showcases his characters at drew-green.blogspot.com, and will be hugely successful one day, so catch on now, made me a caricature of Sylace (who says yes). It is so darn cute. I have been told I'm a cartoon, so now officially so! Thanks so much, Drew.

I am so blessed to have so many wonderful people and experiences in my life. Love you all!

Looking for the God Particle, In France, and in Me

Maybe the moon is having its way with me again.
Last night I said let's see what the full moon brings. All day, I was thinking, well, doesn't seem like much. Duh...the Moon rises at night. (roughly, I know, don't argue)

So the evening got more impactful and deep as it wore on. I had important and serious conversation. It made me wonder what the effects of the Aquarius Moon are supposed to be. I'm not up on my Moon meanings. Here is a cut and paste of the most succinct thing I found:
This Full Moon in Aquarius will occur at 9:36pm EST, July 25
Now is a time when, in the clear light of the Full Moon, you are able to distinguish what may be holding you back and what you need to break free of before you can move forward.

This Full Moon in humanitarian Aquarius is a time to tie up loose ends and see just how you can make a difference in the bigger worldly picture. Other Aquarius Full Moon themes include a breaking free of the status quo, visionary ideas, worldly knowledge, and unexpected breakthroughs.

My more traditional readers will likely be saying, "What is this claptrap?" That's okay. And I'm planning to talk of particle physics later, so hang in there. For me, who had no idea of what the Aquarius Moon was supposed to deliver, I find that it has been "all it's cracked up to be." Unexpected breakthroughs...yes. Needing to break free of things so I can move forward...yes.

I feel, joy. I feel, really happy for the first time in a few weeks. Certainly, yes, my brain is all better from its little mishap. That helps. But this is different. I feel emotionally satisfied. I'm breaking free of the status quo that was my own emotional bomb suit to protect me in the middle of a lifetime landmine field laid by myself and many others. I'm not declaring victory prematurely, but I'm satisfied with my progress. I had conversations that needed to be had. I reversed decisions and made new ones. I was true to myself this time. I didn't overreact to anything. Not because I was being "non-resistant", but because I felt no urge to resist anything anyway. If this is what it feels like to be grown up, I hope I can hang on to it. New goal till the next full moon? Apologize more, take offense less.

photo: F. Bragan

Tomorrow at The International Conference on High Energy Physics (ICHEP), in Paris, a report will be given on recent findings and news from the LHC, the Large Hadron Collider. They are making exciting progress toward verifying their creation of  the "top quark" which will pave the way on their continuing search for the Higgs boson particle. I'm so glad to hear this. Remember when people honestly were crying out in fear that the LHC would rip a hole in the space-time continuum or something and we'd all be sucked off the planet? I'm also really happy that this competition/cooperation may breathe new life into Fermilab in Batavia, Illinois. It had looked like the LHC would be the slow elegant fade into retirement for Fermilab's Tevatron Accelerator.

I have a soft spot for Fermilab. I used to live in Aurora, Il., and work in Batavia. It was just invigorating living and working right there, so close to such a groundbreaking "hall of science." I'm glad they get the chance to keep looking, and maybe be the first to find the Higgs bosun particle. Apparently, the LHC is still several years from detecting the particle, and Fermilab has been given until 2014 to keep looking.

On the huge, international, mindblowing scientific scale, huge strides are being taken. Massive leaps, even.
On the small, domestic, personal scale, huge strides are being taken (massive leaps even).
So this is Moon in Aquarius? COOL.

Saturday night! Woo Hoo!

It's Saturday night. Connor is over visiting Reid. We are watching Man on Fire and eating peanut butter chocolate cookies. Okay...for those of you who didn't take to the chocolate cobbler....let's see what you think of these.

These are, like, the easiest things to make in the world. Not like peanut butter cookies are difficult.
1 cup smooth peanut butter
1 cup white sugar (but hey, brown is fine if that's what you have)
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1/2 tsp vanilla (I like to add a half teaspoon of cinnamon, but you don't have to)
also need 3 hershey bars, milk or dark
......mix ingredients together except for the chocolate bars. spread with fingers onto a baking sheet into a
rough rectangle shape. Bake at 350 for about 10-12 minutes. Top will slightly puff, and look dry/cooked.
Let cool on the counter for about two minutes. break the hershey bars into small squares and arrange on top of the cookies. They will melt in just a couple of minutes but retain their Hershey shape. Spread chocolate out with a spatula or knife. Eat warm, eat cool, try to get some before they all get eaten...hahaha. Pop in fridge if you need the chocolate to harden so you can cut and stack them. If you need them to be even prettier, put Reeses pieces in the melty chocolate. Or whatever you like!! Fun!

So Connor is on the Drumline with Reid. He plays the drumset. He reads this blog! So that goes to show that you can make the blog if you're lucky.  He's even going to get a picture!

At Connor's feet is Aero. (the other kid is Reid, you noticed, huh?)
Aero is a full blood-ed Caanan. She's a desert dog, and very smart. I'm really used to dumb dogs, or dogs smart enough to act dumb all the time so nothing is expected of them. I know soooo many people like that. Aero has her head on his foot, isn't that cute?
     So, one funny story. I have this doorstop that is black cast iron. It is in the shape of a scottie dog. Because it fits against the door, it is flat on one side. When Reid was maybe two and a half he decided to take a closer look at this doorstop he'd been seeing all his little life. He pulled it out and looked at the back and exclaimed, "hey, it's only half a dog!" This was really cute from a two year old. We still refer to it as the "half-dog."

Aero took a look at this doorstop and started growling. She was very unnerved by its presence. Aero clearly recognized it as a "dog." And that is pretty darn smart, because dogs generally don't recognize some silly half-caste (joke) terrier that smells like nothing but dust as a fellow dog. Having a dog around for a few days is a real treat. Goes well with the cookies!

Hey, full moon tomorrow. Let's see if anything unexpected happens.

Aloha, Pretty Girl!

today I'm thinking of my sister Brynda... these are just a quick couple of pictures I had on my laptop already. The first was taken in Hawaii where she was stationed at Pearl Harbor. We went out dancing in Waikiki. Lord knows, you can tell it was the 80's. Haha those shoulderpads.  The bottom one was taken in 1990 at my apartment. It's funny that in both pictures she is wearing my clothes.  She passed away in 1993. Seventeen years ago. I'm thinking of you, Sis, and I will never forget you.            Aloha!  

                                                               

Next time, Check first

Sometimes you just have one of those "worthy of a bad teen comedy" moments.

And I'm willing to embarrass myself, because this made me laugh.

I was running between two different important gatherings last night, and hadn't eaten dinner...and who knows when lunch was. I had fifteen minutes to drive from Chamblee to lower Roswell, Upper Sandy Springs area, but I wanted to stop at McDonalds. Rush rush rush.

Pull into McDs, run out of car...and I have to pee. Run over to the restroom. So, you know, like a girl...enter stall, hang tiny purse on back of door, unfasten cute jean shorts, etc etc. Notice there is no toilet paper (before peeing, like a smart girl. Okay sorta smart, I should have checked sooner.)

Standing up, I was clearly in too much of a hurry to refasten my shorts and left them flopping. Rushing out of stall to choose another, hopefully one with paper, my hanging beltloop catches the door handle, rapidly arresting my forward progress like the tailhook on a fighter jet.

This causes the door, still caught on my beltloop to hit me in the ass, knocking me teeth first into the stall frame. My purse falls off the door, sending lipstick tubes and pens and wallet rolling in all directions. Meanwhile as my face hits the frame, the keys in my hand go flying into the next stall and land behind the not so bad but still skanky toilet.

After corralling the contents of my purse, into the next stall I go, down onto the ole knees to reach behind the "commode" for my key chain. In this lovely position, I realize I never fastened my shorts, which are still hanging down.

And I still have to pee. At least there is paper.

Wash keys and key chain. Clean off contents of purse, wash hands thoroughly. All this happened in the span of about two minutes.

I rushed out of the restroom, took my two kid-size hamburgers apart, combining the two top buns with the condiments and the two patties into one. Wrapped it back up, and off I went.

Which really cracked me up because I didn't tell this funny story to anyone. Now you can all hear it together. HaHaHaHa. And we actually made it to Sandy Springs on time.