Just Watch

things come back
when you open your mind to them,
even when you're sure you searched there before.
things come back
that you didn't even know were real things,
like self-assurance, and safety,
knowing you are loved even when you are so confused
and freedom that is real, not a word you have to steal.
things come back
when you let it be okay
that someone knows you,
"I give you peace, My Peace I give you..."
because what is there worth hiding if you
can't sleep for the secrets under the pillow.
things come back
you never even had to start with,
like security, and things come back you can't ignore...
your intuition, that is is well, that things are Breit
and Time is now your friend.

for Arthur :-)   Ash Wednesday, 2012

It's Taxing

I'm fairly pathetic.
Yesterday's little foray into wonderland and the world of what might be should I smoke the magic hookah, or drink the tiny bottle of elixir with the tag on it...
Yeah, whatever.
If I were a man I think I might say I have no...yeah those.

I say...oooh, I could be bad. Then I spend the next day...
having an awesome conversation with my former financial adviser and friend,
having dinner and great elucidative conversation with my son, Reid,
spending hours doing taxes,
balancing three checkbooks,
dealing with Reid's social security,
then studying and making drug cards....on a Friday night.

What a rebel. Look at her go, folks!
I remember when I moved back to Georgia...I said...I'm going to start a new life as a Dominatrix.
I think I've mentioned this before.
My friends died laughing.
Pathetic.


I'm already thinking about my DragonCon costumes for next year...
one is  Kermit the Frog.
Hope I pull that off! I found a kelly green dress for five dollars yesterday to work with and cut up.
Do they make Kermit green fishnet hose?  I think they make everything...
I really need to get out more.
There's a Salsa Dancing Mardi Gras party tomorrow night.

There is nothing like doing taxes to make you feel ANYTHING but "bad girl."
I'm feeling both pathetic and whiney. Lucky you.

with Brian the dog...ette!

Here's my take on Little Red Riding Hood from last year's DragonCon. Possibly "sweet" is just inescapable for me. Can't wait to hear what Ali has to say...she is saddled with the sweet curse, too. Maybe if I dye my hair black?? SIGH....

Neither Was Alice

Do we all reach a point where it seems that being "good" isn't getting us anywhere?
I'm feeling that way right now.
Now, it will never be part of my agenda to be impolite or cruel. It will never be my plan to cheat someone, or cheat at school, or steal.
I don't really think I will become unfriendly, or unhelpful...

But that leaves a lot.

If the ones who are bad, even horrible...
get the preferential treatment...
if they get chosen time and time again,
if their unending demands and needs get met...
maybe they know something I don't. Seems like it.

I have no interest in becoming as they are.
Wouldn't happen anyway. If I were capable of being as they are, maybe I would be already...
I don't know how that works.
I'm just thinking maybe I don't understand how a lot of things work.

But I could figure out how to be bad. I'm sure I could.
I've stuck my toe in the water a few times.. It's an option.
Anyone want to hop on the bad girl bus with me?

nardack.deviantart.com

I'm not even sure where it goes...but neither was Alice.
Look what a wild adventure she had.

Could it really be that much more painful?
You know...being bad looks painful. It looks
like it sucks. But if it sucks, why are so many people
doing it?

Like I said....just a thought.
And I suspect no one would even care.

Readiness

Life's mysteries reveal themselves in the morning.
revelatory hush and fog prepare a sacrifice,
uneaten, left on the ground for the gods
and for those who whisper with their feet
as the sun arises. Decadent is the luxury of
being loved, when nothing else is sure, anywhere.
Would the blades of grass that will surely grow above you
accept you any less readily should you die tomorrow
or age until your hundreds.
when you know that all you want is one thing, finally...
a reverence stains the glass, how you see things lit through the pane...
and if it does not want you,
you can let it go.