Because all experiences are valuable.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Gettin all Aretha Franklin with the spiders

Tonight I went out with "the girls" to see Eclipse for the second time. I actually caught a couple of things I didn't catch the first time around. And I decided once and for all I am definitely Team Edward. I finally decided that Edward's family is just way cooler and more interesting than Jacob's shirtless pack with all their telepathic wolf psycho-drama.

After a couple of margaritas, here I am writing, so random stuff tonight.
Spiders, for instance. I've been thinking about spiders for a couple of days, because I have one living in my shower, and Reid has one in his shower, as well. Reid despises spiders. I tend to think they are cute, necessary, and incredibly talented in fulfilling their role in our ecosystem. But watching Mr. Spider glare at me every day when I shower is getting annoying, so I may have to escort him outside.

"They" say that one is never more than six feet from a spider at any time in their entire life. I can believe it. Unless maybe you are an astronaut or a deep sea diver. The things scientists and physicists learn from spiders about tensile strength and structural design have lead to really fascinating advances. Now why does that remind me of that awful Superman movie...the one where they make that dreadful Sun powered villain out of the DNA of Superman's hair. God, that was the worst. Anyway, just think of all the millions and millions of bugs, flies, and crawlies that spiders dispose of for us, and dew covered spiderwebs in the morning are so stunning. Nature's jewelry, I have heard it said.

So why is this shower spider bothering me? I think it is his attitude. Like HE is paying the rent or something! Like I'm disturbing his peaceful pursuit of life, liberty, and happiness. Honestly, I don't get many other insects in my shower, so isn't this a rather dead-end piece of real estate for him? Did he lose a bet?

I've decided I like spiders that show proper respect for my general tallness and homeownership. If they cower, shake and run to hide, they receive my noblesse oblige and a commission to continue on in their duties. But the ones that challenge me..they look at me with their bunch 'o freaky spider eyes as if to say, "Whatcha gonna do about it?" they bother me. You know, buddy, you're awfully small and squishy to be taking that tone with me. I not only possess a multitude of shoes and rolled up magazines, but a variety of flyswatters, brooms and chemical sprays as well. God gave you all those legs so you could tread carefully. Take this as a warning, because as much as I loved archie the cockroach who wrote poems (by Don Marquis) with no capital letters as he hopped from one key to the next on the typewriter, and as much as we all love Charlotte with the whole "some pig" thing,
I say in all seriousness, they weren't in my shower.

Likely you will be finding yourself looking for work outside tomorrow, but until then, genuflect when you see me and you will be okay.

Signing off from Margaritaville....hahahahahahahaha


  1. See, I like spiders just fine for the reasons you mentioned, but the shower is the one place where I have no problem killing one. I will not be naked and watched by those creepy eyes. I get the feeling that the spider is crawling on me when I'm taking a shower. So that's definitely not a good place for him or her to be.

    Otherwise, I let them be, even the ones in my apartment. When I'm wearing clothes, they are charming.

  2. I remember long ago you telling me of your affinity for spiders. Actually, it was much more than that. You wove (!) a beautiful vision of the place that spiders occupy in this world, and the myriad and mystical ways that they have. In personality, in science, in capabilities, in sheer numbers! I found it a very fascinating awareness.

    Then much more recently the discussion of the Shower Spider...dum dum DUM. And this "proper respect" attitude. I found it delightfully, well, Tara! I do remember mentioning that perhaps the ones that actually looked at you, that didn't prostrate themselves and scurry away, might be the ones most deserving of your acknowledgement. Mayhap they were the ones most bonding with you in some form, the ones with the most awareness of You; goddess as human, as it were.

    I think you said something like, "Bullshit! They better run!"

    Something of awe, indeed....cts