This evening I jumped off a bridge...basically.
I jumped into Lake Lanier off the top of a double tier dock. Estimate about 18' from my feet to the water, but sure looked like more from head height.
Took me a few minutes to decide to jump, then I just went.
I got a lot of water up in my sinuses, failing to actually hold my nose, which has given me a dreadful headache that hasn't gone away.
Reid was already out on the rail of the dock, deciding whether to go or not. Seemed an unusual conundrum for him, especially since he just went skydiving a few weeks ago. But I admit, it was a long way, it was getting dark, and you can't see what is under the water. (We knew it to be safe, however.)
I didn't have any particular urge to jump off anything that high, but others were doing it (hahahaha, if your friends jumped off a bridge would you, too?) and I thought why not? I'm in good shape; I'm not going to hurt myself. Plus I wanted to show Reid that he could do it. I thought he would feel disappointed if he didn't jump.
Eventually he did jump, and all turned out well, other than his feet hurting from standing on the rail so long. It's one of those daily occurrences that I think about. What is it that makes people make that decision to either jump or not jump?
How can I learn from this? What if a given of this equation is that it doesn't matter at all what decision you make, jump or not, you just have to decide.
I just know I feel like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff so much of the time. One misstep and I'm hanging by the ubiquitous twiggy tree root always conveniently placed at cliff edges. Standing on the edge, I feel the ground shaking. It might get so strong that it shakes me off. I look down into the canyon, and it doesn't really look that far, it doesn't seem so bad. There are things down there to explore...what if I just jumped?
It's okay up top. I've always liked it here. It's been my favorite place to be.
So I keep standing still. I keep looking. I keep thinking, do I jump or not?
Today I jumped. I got a lot of water in my head for the effort, but it was fun and I'm glad I did it.
I don't think this is very helpful for anyone, but maybe you can relate, or empathize. Actually, the one thing I can tell you is that either way, I will be okay. If I fall, magical miracle tree roots will appear in just the right pattern for me to climb down. If I get shaken off, someone with a trampoline will push it under me at just the right moment. If I jump, my sandals will sprout wings, and the Earth will riot with soft clover just under my feet.
Therein is the lesson I always look for each day, that I just have to remind myself of...
No matter what happens, if I do not fight it, I will be okay. If I think good things, even bad becomes good in all ways. There isn't anything but good, and Love.
Like my blog byline says, "because all experiences are valuable."
Whatever happens happens, and I am going to sleep well on that.